


close your eyes and count

by plainlily



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, ambiguous situation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:18:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainlily/pseuds/plainlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis became Harry's everything.</p><p>"<i>And it's not as if these things should've been what Harry needs to live. But somehow, at some point, and God help Harry if he knows when, they became exactly that.</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	close your eyes and count

1.

Harry doesn't know where he is anymore, is the thing. His frame of reference is all fucked up now, his map doesn't make any sense. He's lost. He's lost, but even that wouldn't be so bad if he knew how to get back. If he knew where he was going.

~

_Louis laughed as he pulled Harry around the correct hallway, the one opposite the hallway Harry was going to head through. Hotels confused him sometimes. Harry smiled and shrugged, which only made Louis' smile grow wider, which only made the warmth in Harry's chest grow warmer._

_"Where would you be without me, huh, babe?"_

_Harry's hand tightened around Louis' for just a second._

_"Lost, I'm sure."_

* * *

2.

Harry doesn't know where to go. With Louis, there was always somewhere to go, someone to meet, something to see, something to smell, taste, hear, or touch, even if it was just each other. There was always a destination, even if they didn't see it until the last minute, second, even if it was blurry the entire time and they still didn't quite understand it once they got there.

~

_"You have any idea what we're doing here?" Louis' voice was soft, like him, like his features in the moonlight and his skin against Harry's, like his movements as he toed gently at the water at the edge of the dock. Harry thought for a moment. Looked at the wood beneath him, at the star-filled sky, at their hands entwined between them. He looked at Louis and his answer was the same as it'd always been._

_"Not at all."_

_And Louis' reply was the same as it'd always been._

_"Good. Neither do I."_

* * *

 

3.

Harry hurts. Because the one thing he does know is that everything has to change now. Him, his world, his everything. Because Louis was his everything and now he can't be anymore because then Harry has nothing. Nothing to hold, love, cherish. Nothing to make him smile on his worst days. Nothing to jump on him in the morning and shower him with declarations of love and fond not-insults. Nothing to burn itself boiling water and demand kisses to make it better. Nothing to hold him.

And it's not as if these things should've been what Harry needs to live. But somehow, at some point, and God help Harry if he knows when, they became exactly that.

~

_Louis wanted to do everything at once and nothing at all at the same time for as long as Harry had ever known him. And he loved that about Louis, of course he did, and he loved those crazy days full of fun and noise and laughter and flurries of louisandharry and their loud love through the world but he also loved this._

_Quiet._

_When Louis woke up quietly, and woke Harry up with quiet whispers, and padded quietly throughout the house until he decided that he and Harry could be quiet together. And then they would have a quiet breakfast, then crawl quietly back into their quiet bed. And they would swim in their own thoughts for however long they needed to until they could swim in each other's thoughts in more quiet whispers._

_And Harry loved Louis, loud, loud, loud Louis more than anything in the world, in the universe, but a day like this made him realize just a bit more how much he needed Louis to face all the others._

* * *

 

4.

So Harry is lost now. And if he said why, he'd start crying, and he doesn't want that. He wants relief, he wants acceptance, but if he starts crying now there's a good chance that he'll never stop. Because all the things that will make him want to cry are always going to be there.

Because hotels are still going to confuse him sometimes and then he'll be more lost than ever. And stars in the sky aren't worth looking at, aren't worth thinking about, when Louis isn't by his side.

Because noise won't be the right kind of noise, the kind that comes along with louisandharry and them loving loudly and laughing through kisses. And quiet won't be the right kind of quiet, the kind that comes with fried eggs and toast with jelly and a splash of Yorkshire tea, and warm warm blankets and secrets murmured into hair.

And maybe this would all be a bit easier if Harry had been able to say goodbye.

But probably not.

~

_..._


End file.
